The festive season is full of lights, traditions and cosy memories. But after a divorce or separation, it can also bring grief, loneliness, guilt and comparison, especially when you’re trying to protect your children’s joy while adjusting to a new reality. The good news? With a little intention and self-compassion, Christmas can still feel meaningful and magical.
Following a change in family dynamic, now is the time for you to decide what your new Christmas traditions look like; you get to make the rules that work best for the family. Keep the communication open with your children, ex-partner and the wider family and remember that you don’t have to conform to other people’s visions of what a divorced Christmas looks like, no matter if that means bringing a blended family together for lunch, splitting the day in half or having two Christmas shindigs. Whatever makes it the least stressful for all is the way to go.
Here, Divorce Survival Coach Arabella Paul gives her practical ideas for keeping things sane and joyful, while helping your children feel loved, secure and excited.
1. Plan and communicate early
“Decide who will have the children and when. A clear schedule reduces last-minute stress. Talk through the logistics with your co‑parent in advance and let the children know what to expect with warmth and reassurance.
“Encourage them to enjoy their time, even if you are not there. You do not want them to feel guilty about having fun. Some families alternate Christmases [each year] or you could split the day if you live nearby. In our family, we split it. I choose the morning for the excitement of the stocking opening, then get a day off from cooking as I invite myself to friends or family. Many also alternate Christmas and New Year so everyone has something to look forward to.”
2. Be flexible and focus on the kids
“If you do not have the children on the day itself, hold your family Christmas another day with new traditions. One year we played board games with another family, another year we watched Christmas films in our pyjamas eating sweets. Whatever happens, we now open one chosen present on Christmas Eve.
“Holidays are unpredictable. Staying flexible and child-focused helps avoid conflict and guilt. It is not a competition about who has the best Christmas, but about what your children need and enjoy.”
© Getty Images3. Gifts and finances
“Coordinate with your co‑parent to avoid buying the same gifts or competing to outdo each other. Decide whether presents come from both of you or separately. Either way works as long as it’s agreed in advance. Sell the idea of two Christmases to the children – two trees, two stockings, two visits from Father Christmas. Their eyes usually light up. Gifts are lovely, but should never replace connection or emotional presence. Quality time matters more than quantity. If money is tight, choose simple experiences such as baking together, a walk or decorating the tree.”
4. Family, food and ditching what does not work
“Plan family visits so the children don’t feel rushed. Keep old traditions that still feel good but do not be afraid to start new ones. If there are parts of Christmas you never enjoyed, let them go. Change the time of the meal, cook something other than turkey, or skip the Brussels sprouts altogether.”
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5. Take care of yourself
“It is completely normal to feel a sense of loss or sadness. Looking after yourself matters. Watch a film, meet a friend or take a long walk. You might even choose a quiet “me day” filled with back-to-back boxsets, and your favourite treats.”
6. Keep the children’s emotions front and centre
“Encourage your children to share how they are feeling and reassure them that both parents love them deeply. Let them help shape the plan for the holidays. When children feel involved, they are more relaxed and happier. Keep transitions calm, be kind to each other and avoid tension at handovers.”
© Getty ImagesFinal thought
A divorced Christmas does not have to feel like a lesser version. With planning, love and flexibility, you can create something even more meaningful. Your children will remember it for all the right reasons, and so will you.
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