‘Every family member plays a distinct role’

In an everyday environment that is often fast-paced and overstimulating, children, including highly sensitive kids who process the world around them with greater emotional intensity, find a true oasis of calm in their grandparents.

Psychologist Carmen Barrio looks at how having time, listening without passing judgement and an absence of daily rushing make grandparents an essential “safe haven” for these little ones—while also highlighting the line between offering a calm space and falling into overprotection.

What is it about grandparents that makes them such an emotional refuge?

“Many grandparents  have something invaluable: time, availability, and a way of relating that isn’t weighed down by the constant demands of day-to-day life. This makes it easier for the child to build a deep bond that feels different from the one they have with other relatives. When an adult projects calm, genuine interest and availability, it helps the child find a space where they can express what they feel with total confidence.

“On top of that, grandparents occupy a unique place in the family setup. They know the family history and the parents inside out, but they aren’t usually bogged down in the daily grind of parenting. This gives them a more measured perspective, allowing them to act as a steadying presence for both the child and their parents.”

The Classic Mistake: Safe Space vs. Overprotection

There’s a risk that a grandparent’s house could become a refuge that’s too isolated from the real world. Where is the line between offering a safe space and overprotecting the child?

“Safety and overprotection are two very different things. A safe environment is a launching pad from which the child can explore the world, confident that they have adults in their corner if things get tricky. Overprotection, on the other hand, happens when we systematically step in to prevent any experience that might feel uncomfortable, difficult, or frustrating.

“The goal isn’t to shield the child from tough emotions, but to guide them as they build the tools to manage those feelings independently. Grandparents play a hugely valuable role when they offer comfort without doing things for the child that they are already capable of doing themselves.

“A safe space shouldn’t wrap a child in cotton wool; it should give them a secure base from which to experiment, make mistakes, learn, and realise that they have what it takes to cope with whatever comes their way.”

Highly sensitive children suffer a great deal from being rushed and overstimulated. How does the presence of grandparents, who usually move at a gentler pace, impact their nervous system?

“Some children simply need more time to adapt, process what is happening, or decompress after high-stimulation situations. When grandparents offer a calmer pace without the pressure to tick off a list of tasks, it can create much-needed moments of peace and connection.

“Having said that, it’s less about moving slowly and more about tuning into the specific needs of the child. Some children thrive on activity, while others need frequent breaks. The trick is getting to know that particular child.”

Does the slower pace and emotional availability of grandparents help a child learn self-regulation?

“Yes, provided there is a genuine bond of trust. Children first learn to regulate their emotions through their relationships with key adult figures. When a grandparent listens, stays grounded during meltdown moments, and offers support without rushing in to fix the problem, they are modeling emotional regulation in real time. We don’t need to make uncomfortable feelings vanish, but instead help the child realise they can ride them out.”

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What specific elements enable a grandparent to become a “safe haven” for a sensitive child?

“Rather than specific skills, I think it comes down to a few key attitudes that make all the difference:

• Listening attentively before jumping in with solutions or alternatives.
• Validating their feelings without exaggerating or brushing them off.
• Respecting their natural pace.
• Keeping routines predictable when spending time together.
• Showing quiet confidence in the child’s ability to handle tough moments.”

How grandparents and parents can work together

How does the role of grandparents complement that of parents when raising a sensitive child?

“It’s important to recognise that every family member plays a distinct role, and everyone has something to offer. Parents naturally carry the load of setting boundaries, making key decisions, and managing day-to-day life. 

Grandparents—when everyone is on the same page—can contribute time, experience and a different style of relationship that enriches the child’s support network. The most important thing is good communication between the adults, avoiding contradictory messages that might leave the child feeling confused.”

What practical steps can grandparents take to support a sensitive child?

“The most helpful thing for any child is simply getting to know them as an individual, without assuming they need special treatment just because of a label. It’s also crucial to trust in their abilities and let them try things out. Supporting them doesn’t mean removing every obstacle; it means being there as a safety net while they learn to navigate difficulties themselves.”