When you hit a certain stage of midlife, talking to friends about whether you’re having sex or not can take you straight back to being a teenager.
With those days long gone, we know there shouldn’t be any pressure to start having sex, but at the other end of the spectrum, as we age, it can feel like an obligation to keep having sex, when we don’t necessarily want to
Our sex lives in general can be a taboo subject, but with a rise in positive stories about having the best sex of your life in your 60s and beyond, there can be a feeling that if you’re not leaping into bed at every opportunity, you are not ‘doing it right’, creating a pressure to keep up when actually you no longer feel the desire.
Former Crossroads actress and Middle-Aged Minx Instagram queen Jo Good was happy to keep it real during her Second Act Podcast chat with Ateh Jewel, and admitted sex is no longer the hot topic for her that it once was.
“I wouldn’t even notice if someone flirted with me,” the 70-year-old BBC London Radio Broadcaster said. “I am convinced all my hormones have just disappeared.
“When people talk to me about sex, I almost gloss over. It is like they’re talking in a different language. And I [used to have] a very good active sex life.”
Sex in your second act
When it comes to your sexual preferences in later life, relationship expert Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley says it’s hard to keep up with changing perceptions on what we ‘should’ be doing, but ultimately, we need to shake off comparing ourselves to others and embrace our own happiness and what we feel comfortable with in the bedroom.
“Older people were often told they were not supposed to be having sex,” the chartered psychologist says. “More recently, it has shifted to encouraging us to prove we have still got it, with sexual activity positioned as a marker of relevance, vitality, or youth.
© Instagram“These shifting messages can leave us feeling confused or conflicted. For some, there is a sense of guilt or worry if their sexual desire has diminished. For others, there is pressure to reignite something they may no longer feel connected to.
“Sexual desire in later life is incredibly individual and deeply influenced by biological, relational, and psychological factors. Hormonal changes, shifts in body image, illness, medication, and major life transitions, including grief and loss can all shape how we feel about sex. Just as desire may fade, it may also return. Neither is inherently better or worse.
“Perhaps the key is autonomy. What matters is not whether someone is having sex, but whether their experience aligns with their own values, preferences, and wellbeing. For some, that may mean embracing intimacy in new ways. For others, it may mean stepping back from sex entirely without needing to justify or explain why.
“Sex is a form of personal freedom, but the foundation of that freedom is choice. Feeling free to say yes or no and doing what feels right for you and your body, is what matters most.”
Living the single life
Jo’s disinterest in sex is mirrored in her lack of desire for a relationship. Having been married, divorced and then in a happy long-term relationship until her partner George Webley passed away, Jo feels she has reached a stage in her life in her 70s where she is completely happy with her own company.
© WireImage“I’m not bothered at all,” she says of being single. “I feel like I’ve earned the space to not have any romantic relationship in my life. I just couldn’t do it. It’s almost like I burnt myself out from it, you know?
“I had a lot of great relationships, nearly all with actors and it was a ridiculous way to carry on, because they always end dramatically and with heartache. So now I love the calm and not having them.
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“Certainly I would never date someone my own age or older, but someone younger [maybe]. Younger men are age blind it seems.”
For those worried about living on their own after years of building a life with someone, whether it is through a breakup or being widowed, Jo is the perfect inspiration for a happy ever after when you are flying solo.
Having discovered a second career as an influencer in her midlife, she has embraced new adventures, making friends with people younger than her and finding joy in her own company.
“It is very selfish living on your own, but oh my God, it’s wonderful. It is wonderful. There are times, like the old cliche times when you know, things break down and you think, ‘oh, I’ve got to sort this out all on my own’, But you do.”
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