Jay-Z admits he was ‘afraid to be vulnerable’ before Beyoncé relationship turned romantic

Jay-Z is setting the record straight about one of the most revealing lyrics he’s ever written about his relationship with Beyoncé.

The rapper and business mogul, 56, gets candid about his music catalog in the third episode of HBO’s JÄY-Z in 8, released Friday, Sept. 25. During a conversation with director Rick Rubin, Jay revisits “4:44,” the emotional title track from his 2017 album, and reveals that the story he told about the early days of his relationship with Beyoncé was no creative embellishment.

“4:44” Was Hard for Jay-Z to Revisit

The song finds Jay-Z reflecting on his past infidelity, fatherhood and his relationship with Beyoncé, whom he began dating in the early 2000s. The couple eventually tied the knot in 2008.

Jay admitted that “4:44” is one song he has rarely revisited since recording it.

“I probably heard that song less than any song I’d ever written,” he said during the episode, also mentioning “You Must Love Me.” He explained that recording the track was already emotionally difficult, and hearing it afterward was even harder.

In fact, Jay said his conversation with Rubin marked the first time he had listened to the song since its release.

That “Don’t Embarrass Me” Line Was Really His Version of a Proposal

One of the most talked-about moments in “4:44” comes when Jay describes how he and Beyoncé transitioned from friends to something more serious.

He raps about telling her, “Don’t embarrass me” rather than simply asking her to be his girlfriend, connecting the moment to Beyoncé’s 21st birthday.

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According to Jay, the lyrics weren’t exaggerated for the song. That really was how he approached the situation.

“That’s how we start going together,” he explained. Jay admitted he was young, immature and uncomfortable with being vulnerable about his feelings. He said he struggled with figuring out how to move their relationship from talking on the phone and being friends to officially becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

Instead of making a straightforward romantic proposal, Jay went with, “Don’t embarrass me.”

Beyoncé Apparently Knew Exactly What He Was Doing

Jay acknowledged that his approach wasn’t exactly smooth.

He explained that saying “Don’t embarrass me” was essentially the only way he knew how to make himself vulnerable at the time. Fortunately, Beyoncé understood what was really happening.

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Jay said she was able to recognize that he was struggling with vulnerability and essentially helped him through it, despite his less-than-romantic choice of words.

As for whether he has become better at opening up over the years, Jay gave Rubin a simple answer: “Oh yeah, definitely.”

Jay-Z Also Reflected on Their Kids Seeing Their Parents Differently

The rapper also opened up about the emotional weight behind the third verse of “4:44,” particularly its connection to his and Beyoncé’s children.

The couple share 14-year-old Blue Ivy and 9-year-old twins Rumi and Sir.

Jay explained that part of the song deals with children eventually realizing their parents aren’t the larger-than-life figures they once believed them to be.

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He described it as the “loss of innocence” that comes with growing up and understanding that your parents are human beings who make mistakes. For Jay, that realization was tied to the painful period he was addressing throughout the album.

Still, despite everything, he emphasized the foundation he and Beyoncé have built together.

“We love each other. Soul mates. We choose each other,” he said, describing their commitment to healing, supporting one another and continuing to put in the work.