Prince Harry has lost “control” of his rift with the royal family, according to a conflict coach.
Expert Julie Cobalt, a conflict coach, mediator and trainer specialising in family dynamics, has said the Duke of Sussex has made key mistakes in his public grievances with the royal family, which have in turn caused him to lose control of the conflict with his family.
“Publicly criticising your family, especially in a memoir, virtually guarantees defensiveness and further distance. It also strips you of control over how your message is received,” she told HELLO!. “If Harry’s goal was reconciliation, a better strategy would have been to work with a conflict coach or mediator. Reconnection requires honest conversation, not public narration.”
Most recently, Harry revealed in an extraordinary interview with the BBC that his father, King Charles, won’t communicate with him. Referring to the King’s 2024 cancer diagnosis, Harry said, “I don’t know how much longer my father has; he won’t speak to me because of this security stuff. It would be nice to reconcile.”
Julie shared that bringing the public into family grievances can hinder healing and reconciliation. “If your goal is healing, involving the public complicates the path,” she said. “You also risk misinterpretation. Photos, headlines, or quotes taken out of context can inflame things further.”
Harry also memorably aired his family drama in a bombshell Oprah Winfrey interview alongside wife Meghan Markle in March 2021, something Julie believes is a classic response to the situation.
“People often turn to a third party, whether it’s a friend, neighbour, or social media, not just to vent but to be validated,” she said. “That validation can be emotionally rewarding, especially when it reinforces a sense of being wronged.
© POOL/AFP via Getty Images“It’s much easier to stay in the role of victim than to look inward and explore your own contribution to the problem. Public sharing can feel like control and clarity, but it often replaces resolution with reinforcement.
Prince Harry’s family tensions
It’s not the first time Harry has made public statements regarding his stance with his estranged father and wider family. In his 2021 memoir, Spare, Harry postulated that his father’s age had been a source of tension within their relationship.
© Getty Images“He’d been an older dad, and I’d always felt that this created problems, placed barriers between us,” he wrote. “In his middle years, he’d become more sedentary, more habitual. He liked his routines. He wasn’t the kind of father who played endless rounds of tag or tossed a ball until long after dark.”
Although Harry reportedly flew to the UK following the King’s cancer diagnosis last year and has made his wish for a reconciliation clear, there has been silence from the side of Charles and the wider royal family.
“There is zero trust,” an insider close to the monarch has told HELLO!. “The family feels that private conversations with Harry are not possible.”
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