‘You need that person in your friend group’

Former President Barack Obama is challenging young men, and the adults raising them, to rethink the kind of company they keep. Appearing on the latest episode of the ‘IMO’ podcast, hosted by his wife Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson, the 63-year-old opened up about masculinity, fatherhood, and the role that friendships, especially diverse ones, can play in a boy’s development.

“I think we did a pretty good job of raising our girls,” Obama shared, reflecting on fatherhood. “But I’ve said often that I think I would have had more difficulty raising a son… I might’ve been more judgmental, harder.”

He went on to explain how growing up without a male role model may have made a father-son relationship more complex for him. “I would’ve tried to—I’d like to think I would have been more self-aware enough to combat that. But I just think father-son relationships, for me, particularly if I don’t have a dad around to show it to me, might’ve been more difficult.”

Obama’s larger message focused on how to raise emotionally intelligent boys. That means breaking out of narrow definitions of masculinity and exposing young men to a broader circle of influences. 

“I do think as a society, we have to create more structures for boys and men to… be able to meet a wide range of role models so that whatever their inclinations, they can see a path to success that isn’t just sports or making a lot of money,” he said.

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He recounted that during his early relationship with Michelle, being around her extended family introduced him to different types of male role models. “That’s one of the things that I think a lot of times boys need, is not just exposure to one guy, one dad. No matter how good the dad is, he can’t be everything.”

His friendship with an openly gay professor:

One of the most powerful moments in the episode came when Obama revisited a story about his friendship with an openly gay college professor who deeply shaped his worldview.

“I had a gay professor in college at a time when openly gay folks still weren’t out a lot, who became one of my favorite professors and was a great guy and would call me out when I started saying stuff that was ignorant,” he recalled. “You need that — to show empathy and kindness.”

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“By the way, you need that person in your friend group so that if you then have a boy who is gay or nonbinary, or what have you, they have somebody that they can go, ‘Okay, I’m not alone in this,’” he said. “That, I think, is creating community. I know it’s corny, but it’s what they need.”

His support for the LGBTQ+ in office:

Obama’s support for LGBTQ+ rights didn’t begin and end in the classroom. As president, he made history by becoming the first sitting U.S. leader to endorse same-sex marriage. His public stance marked a major shift in national politics and personal policy.

Speaking with Robin Roberts in 2015, he said, “At a certain point, I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”

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The evolution, he explained, came from years of conversations with people close to him. “When I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together… it just didn’t make sense to keep denying them that right.”

During his presidency, Obama also became the first to mention LGBTQ+ communities in an inaugural address, and publicly recognized transgender parents. He even called on African nations to drop laws criminalizing homosexuality.