It is not only superheroes who get to experience the cloak of invisibility, middle aged women are treated to it too.
And I intentionally say ‘treated’ because as author Emma Straub says in her recent HELLO! Second Act podcast with Ateh Jewel, the moment where you disappear into society is something to be celebrated. Seriously!
This shift comes silently and stealthily, and you don’t notice at first. You hit 45, say, and you start to realise you’re not the first to be served at the bar anymore. Wolf whistles are replaced by an air of apathy as you walk past a building site. But did you really need that shot to your cortisol levels from the beep of a passing white van anyway?
In midlife the joy this can bring is that we can get on with being our authentic selves, doing whatever the hell we want, being who we want to be, while all eyes are looking elsewhere. And that can be deliciously freeing.
“I think that one of my favourite parts about getting older and being a middle aged woman is invisibility,” says Emma, the 46-year-old author of American Fantasy.
“Creepy guys aren’t flirting with me on the street in the same way they were when I was in my 20s.
“But on the flip side of that is that I feel safe. I feel sturdy. I could do anything by myself. I like to go to the movies by myself. I like to go to restaurants by myself. It’s great.”
It may also be the reason why there has been a massive spike in women travelling alone. Solo travel among the midlife generation has exploded in recent years, with travel company Jules Verne saying those aged 50+ make up more than 70% of the operator’s solo travellers.
We feel brave, more aware of ourselves and with all the life experiences that we didn’t have in our twenties. We know how to have a good time, without getting ourselves in sticky situations. And it also means we don’t have to rely on other people to bring us joy.
Solo adventures
“I think that part of being an adult and someone who travels a lot, the key really is to find yourself good company, because then you can do anything you want to do,” Emma adds.
“You don’t need to find a friend who wants to go to Las Vegas with you. You can go to Las Vegas.”
As Emma says the key is getting to know yourself and then the world is your oyster – you are free to experience everything you want to, with nothing and nobody to hold you back because being invisible means you are free from judgement, a common confidence blocker.
Ramit Sethi the host of Netflix’s “How to Get Rich” often advises his clients to use a ‘cloak of invisibility’ when it comes to building confidence in the work place.
“An invisible cloak shields you from any judgment,” he says. “It’s a simple mental trick that helps you separate your actions from your identity, making it easier to try new behaviors without overthinking.” He suggests using the hack before important meetings, network events or when you are negotiating a pay-rise. “The invisible cloak gives you permission to be more assertive, without feeling like you’re faking it.”
So the next time you feel invisible, embrace it, use it as your superpower and start living the life you really want – with zero cares given.
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